Monday, June 29, 2009

A Diary Of Ray Part 8. (End)

Lights flashing and flickering , casting an eerie glow upon us. Why isn't stars twinkling at us anymore? I held her in my arms tightly, running along the corridor towards the emergency room.

Staring into Christine eyes as I’m trying to prevent her slowly fading life from ebbing away as i can only watch on helplessly. her eyes were bloodied and bruised , scars marked her face, marked her as an unfortunate victim of road rage. Tears I fought so hard to keep within began to roll my cheeks.

I had to be dragged back from the emergency room. Looking at the nurses pushing her in, looking at her being pushed away, away from me . Oh God why? Why the light of my life? The only angel i have ever known. "You re gonna be alright . . . "I chanted it feverishly like a mantra. I prayed to every God there is out there. Please make her well again in Your Grace.

Silence pervaded the place while Joe and I stared without seeing at the emergency light. Christine’s parents came after awhile, the looks on their faces proves that they are more afraid than the both of us. The light flickered, the doctor walked out with “disappointment” written all over his face. Million of questions came out from her parent’s mouth before the doctor could catch his breath. As he does, tragedy strikes ! Christine is blind folded when I walked into her room the next morning.

Sound of glasses crashing made my heart skip a beat, I turned the knob, my eyes flecked with golden sunlight . I swept across the scene in seconds, her mother was crying and her dad hugging her mother tightly. Joe was trying to stop her but eventually he failed. Christine was losing it, some people weather adversities, some are battered down by the sheer agony of it, Christine would spend the rest of her days in darkness, I guess its what scares her the most. The loss of light in her radiant life.

I sped up a little, grabbed her hands as tight as I can. She felt around my hands, and lifted her hands to my face. She knew it was me, she grabbed me so tight I could hardly breathe. She wrapped me with her injured arms and pleaded with me not to leave. I hugged and surrendered myself to this moment, whispered “ I love you, more than you will ever know . You showed me the meaning of my existence, to make you happy and never let you cry. But I have to leave you. I’m sorry.”

I kissed her for the last time, and left the room with the pain lancing through me, causing pain such as i had never known, leaving me a hollowed-out shell. Her voice had branded my soul, but for her sake as well as mine, i had to do what i must. Should you never forgive me, i will understand. I pulled her arms off, and gently kissed her for the last time. The moment I pulled my lips away, is the moment the place was silent for a short while. I forced myself to stay a little longer, but my instincts are pulling my body away from her.

Her voice echoed in my head , hauntingly melodious. Repeating the same line, “Please don’t leave, Ray.” I stood beside the door, trying to make a sound but I was silened by Joe’s killer stare. By that moment, I know everything is not going to be fine for Joe and Christine. I stood alone on the rooftop for awhile. I feel my throat began to close and my eyes well up with tears, it’s time for me to go.
I was standing by the lounge, holding my passport on my arms. Stared at the time, it’s 5.30P.M. Christine will be busy having medical treatment, she won’t be having outdoor activities for awhile, so I’m free to go, to leave the country, to leave my friends, to leave my love.

The fog of sadness has clouded my life . The pain of leaving a loved one is more than I can take. I am running from the past, the guilt, and the pain. And you, Christine, are shrouded inside the fog, fighting pointlessly to hold on to a vanished dream. Going to Japan, is a whole new life, a whole new opportunity to meet someone over there. Still, I long to go with you, Christine, but my only response is to shake my head because I know that is impossible. I do not care what others think, I shall bow to you, and let my tears do the talking.


2009, 1st Feb. Life is good in Japan, new friends, new school, new environment. 1 year had passed since the fateful incident in Malaysia. I’m cant love someone just yet as my heart is sealed to the girl I met 1 magical year ago.. Just like how Romeo would meet Juliet. School was tough, people here are kind and helpful. Bullet trains or the Shinkansen is my mode of transport here, Takoyaki became my favourite food. I’m all Japanese-fied. My Japanese language is slowly improving as I’m still going to spend 2 years here studying.

I went to Maruyama Park to jog everyday. Yes, like before, I still jog. Maruyama Park is a beautiful park located in Kyoto, where I am living right now. The park was crowded, but yet beautiful. Some embracing the lake, some having fun with their children and some eating ice cream while they spend their time catching up with each other’s life. Love birds are all around the park, young ones and the old ones.

Velvety wings of night is enveloping the park, the sky is glowing a magnificent shade of magenta and the stars are starting to twinkle cheekily. I stood by the lake, embracing the scene while I enjoy the weather. Warmth yet cooling at the same time soothing my soul, allaying my fears

By the time I decided to go home, something caught my attention, something I never thought possible. It’s the sound of someone playing the violin, the melodious yet sad sound invoking countless memories, painful and joyful ones, memories I had sought to lock away in the deepest , innermost part of my heart

A familiar yet faraway figure caught my eye, my breath quickens and my pulse races .God, is this a sign? My only chance at redemption for the person i had to turn my back on? the girl I loved, the only girl that brought joy and meaning into my life? the dark figure I saw in the park way back in Malaysia, the dark figure across the lake.

I have been dreaming this for 365 days, am I dreaming again? Please, please, please, without noticing it tears had streaked across my face . . .
I took flight, ran as fast as I can, along with the pounding rhythm of my breathing I know this is the only chance God will ever give me again, the chance to once again hold the girl I love, the chance to spend the rest of my time loving her again, making her happy . . .

I ran as I allowed myself to dream , to dream of what could have been and what could be in the future. Every step I take, every second I got closer, my heartbeat quickens into overdrive. Finally,I gasped "" She turned around and . . .

Moral of the story: Cherish your boyfriend/girlfriend now and don’t allow petty squabbles to come between you. Don’t wake up one day 20 years from now and regret what you didn’t had a chance to say to your loved ones -> the almighty 3 words "I love you"


Dear readers,
I will be leaving the ending of this story open as i don't want it to only be my story.
I wish that everyone who have read this story can truly feel how Ray felt. If you are Ray, what would be your ending?

Thanks a lot for reading...

SpecialThanksTo : NicholasSheum

Saturday, June 13, 2009

A Diary Of Ray Part 7 .

“ Dear Christine ,

We have already been together for some time; I must tell you those few weeks we’d spent together were the best days of my life. I can’t imagine what my life would be without you. I still remember the first time I got so close to you when we dance. But things had happened between Joe and I, things that I’d done that cause jealousy to exist between us and brought sorrow and misery by his best friend. I’d been making decision. This dinner maybe the most romantic one and my best opportunity to express my love to you. By the time you are reading this letter, I may be gone, to further my studies in Japan. We shall remain as we were before we met each other. Well, last but not least , I still can’t define how much I love you , how much happiness you’d put in my life. Take care..

From , Ray “

20th March , School days. I’d been experiencing loneliness for these 3weeks. My parents came to school to get the transfer form. The relationship between Joe and I had been better, but not as the pees and carrot like we used to anymore. It’s a taboo for us to talk about Christine right now.

Teryn , the person who knows whats going on among 3 of us , did not mention anything about Christine too. She’d turned back to the old clumsy girl she used to be. I went home early , as I need to prepare my laugage. I swept my eyes across the desk, there was a letter, sitting right under my table lamp. A letter I’d been expecting. I ditched the letter, and I continued on my work.


1st April. One day before my flight to Japan. I suddenly had a strong urge that I’m leaving something undone. I stared at the letter, arguing with myself whether should I open up and take a look at what is inside or not. I grabbed the letter without having any other hesitation, I tore the letter cover until I see an opening. It was an invitation to a violin concert. It was from Christine, a V.I.P seat ticket. Looked at the time, I have 1 hour to prepare myself.

I reached the stadium later than I estimated . I never sat at the seat I was suppose to ,but instead I placed myself far away from the stage , a place where Christine cannot see me. When the spotlight are on her , her beauty is so stunning , it left me in awe. This is the first time I saw her in a formal dress , she looked so mature that everyone have to rub their eyes to make sure it was her. She shone so brightly on the stage , like she was born with this talent.

I stared her, standing on that stage and searching through the crowds as if finding someone. She played the violin so sweetly, yet, I still felt a tinge of sadness to it. But I doubt that anyone else in the stadium can’t hear it.

I left my seat after Christine’s turn is over, stood there at the exit as my leg suddenly felt heavier. I don’t want to leave her , but I had to. All out of a sudden , Christine called my name , her voice paralyzed me like a poison kiss. I didn’t want to turn around , but I can’t just walk away. I turned around and she was already running towards me. Later on , she was hugging me , so tight that I can barely move my arms. She whispered in my ears “ Thank you for the flowers you gave me. “. I don’t know who gave her the flowers but I did not deny what she said.

I saw Joe , glaring at us as we embrace each other. I gently pushed her off , and walked out of the exit. Christine shouted my name again , with a voice that she’s going to burst out with tears. Without noticing who is standing behind her. She ran out of the exit to chase me. All I can remember, I heard a huge crashing sound . Next thing I know , I saw Christine lying on a pile of blood.

Pieces of glass were laying around the floor. I turned back and go on my knee right beside her. My tears began to roll down , I didn’t know I was kneeling on the glass. I hugged her , as I wanted to tell her everything in my heart. Joe on the other side , staring at both of us, he reached into his pocket and called 911 right away. Both of us were so worried about Christine.

Minutes later , siren can be heard. The scene began to flood with humans. Christine was still unconscious..

To be continued…

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

A Diary Of Ray Part 6.

1st March, Life is a game. Friendship is not an exception, with true friends, they make every moment of the game worth your while . Love is like a guitar , the music might stop , the string might be broken , but the feelings of playing the guitar will remain forever.

We're through. Joe and I. Nothing can drag us close again anymore. My heart at war , a war between friendship and love. Its my fault for choosing everything without preparing ,

and now i'd lost my friend , I'd lost my confidence in loving. Even though i know , all is fair in love and war, it doesnt make me feel any better.

Joe and I havent talked in weeks already. Christine found out about the both of us. I can see from her messages , she is worried. I ignored her , Joe ignored me. I dont know what is in my heart , what is my desire anymore. Fixing things among Christine and I ain't gonna make me happy , make me proud of what im doing.

How I wish to let Joe know that I'd really miss the times we'd spent together , the old times we used to play soccer on the small road infront of that rusty gate of mine , the times we used to swim in a small lake at the end of the road , the times he used to push me so I can swing higher on that big tree at the park. Joe is not just a friend to me , he is more than a brother.

This is a chance to make up my mind , the girl I'd known for months? Or a friend we used to do everything together. God, give me strength . . .

My mind is clear , I'd made my decision ..


5th March , I asked Christine out for dinner , a dinner she will never forget. I prepared a square table , covered with my mother's flowery cloth. Hung little linked rainbow lightbulbs on the tree in the garden , the tree with the swing Joe and I used to swing on. The weather was perfect , stars blinked as they are watching my plan moved on perfectly. Prepared 2 plates of spaghetti and a red candle , to make the scene romantic. Christine arrived after the park was cleared up. Wearing the red dress she used to wear in PulauRedang. A smile was pasted under her nose , eyes was squeented as she was showing how happy she is. She moved closer and gave me a kiss.

" Whats this about Ray? " She asked after she placed herself on that comfy chair I prepared for her. I shushed her when i placed my finger on her lips , and started eating. The glimmers on that tree made brought us romance , i replaced red wine with my mother's orange juice from the fridge. The whole eating scene was so silent , we can only hear the crickets sing.

On the other side of the table , Christine is sitting there , looking at me with the big wide smile and round beautiful eyes of hers. I tried to pull a smile on my face , eventually i failed. Spaghetti was stuffed into our stomach minutes later. She started making small talk, telling me funny jokes , but my heart wasnt in it , i remained silent as she searched my eyes for an answer. AN answer to a question i dont know.

By the time she found out something went wrong , she walked across the table and kissed me gently . "I'm here for you Ray." she whispered and hugged me. Not knowing what am I doing , I pushed her off gently. I reached into my pocket and took a small heart shaped box. Its a little necklace I bought for her , a little something I prepared for her. I placed that necklace on her neck , her beauty might stun every living thing on erath. She was told to keep the box , for a special propose. We embraced the sky after that , she shifted closer. Moonlight shone upon the waves on the lakes , light reflected on the necklace I gave her. I stared at her , looking deeply into her eyes , I can tell you have the preetiest eye in the world.

Time is ticking , I have to do what I am inteding to. " I gotta clean the table Christine" I said softly. She nodded . I left her sight and that maybe the last time I am going to get so close to her , maybe the last time I'll see her. I cleaned the table as fast as i could , packed everything and went to the dumpster. By the time i come back , Christine was crying beside the tree . She shouted " YOU LIED! " again... and again. I hid under the big slope beside the tree. Tears began to roll down my cheeks , my heart began to ache real bad. Im sorry Christine..

I'd told you whatever I wanted to in that letter .The letter i left under the box..

To Be Continued ..