Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Dear Diary. (2)
4th September 2009
Dear Diary , there is one thing I won't understand. I'd came through a rather odd conversation with Lisa the other day. She asked me a question , a question everyone is trying so hard to find but only a few succeeded on seeking the true answer for themselves. " Have you found the reason why you're borned , Joel ?" Lisa asked , which sent me into a complete blank. I thought I knew the reason but it just doesn't feel right , it doesn't feel right at all.
I know what are you thinking right now , Diary , but no , searching for someone you love isn't the reason why everyone is breathing on this very world right now. Love is part of Life , not the reason why we're living. Thanks to Lisa , the emotions had taken over me. I do not have the strength to control myself , I could not laugh nor could I be the old me anymore. I've became an arrogant fool who does not respect the opposing decisions , I've became a devil who got mad on his own parents for doing their job , I've became a useless pile of shit that doesn't worth anything.
Well , I dont think this is entirely related to the question of the reason why I am borned. I really don't know who am I or what I've become. I figure out if this goes on , I'm not going to succeed on everything I'm aiming to achieve , even getting the girl who I'm so desperate in love with. Dear Diary , I need strength , I need to know how to overcome the devil in me , I need to know how to fight myself , I need to know... am I really that useless?
Anyway , Happy 18th Birthday , Joel.
Joel , Signing out.
.
14th September 2009
Dear Diary , everything is different now. Due to my unsual characteristic , I have less friends , less love from my family , I don't seem to feel the 'Me' in myself anymore. But there's someone who never let me down , or maybe we just got close to each other , that's why she won't realise I'm different. Well , I'm not letting this only chance go.
Mika came across the 7-11 where I was working in , such fate huh? Now , I guess you would know my answer about trusting fate. We talked a little and decided to meet each other more often since we've found a similliarity in us both , Ice-cream Soda. We went to the park after dinner just now , nothing special , just talking about our lifes. Eventually the park was not entirely empty , there was a few couples taking their walk of romance under the blinking stars , holding hands while embracing the lake as moonlight shines upon. Old couples taking a walk with their grandchildrens as the kids was running around , nothing to stress about in life yet.
Mika and I sat down on an old bench by the corner of the playground. I tried so hard not to lose myself again , but whenever the cool breeze brushes her hair , sending a trail of Dove-like scent across my nose , I had no choice but to be paralized , I lost myself once more by the stunning beauty. She looked at me with a smile and asked if I was fine. " . " Ahh I think potato chips are awesome too." I replied. I swear that was originally random after being locked up by her smile and that was the first time I said something that made her laugh , well that's something worth keeping as an achievement don't you think ?
I walked her home at precisely 9.35 , I would never forget what she said to me before she left me back to the dark streets alone. " I had fun with you , Joel. We should do this more often. Will you text me in the morning ?" , 'I will. I promise'
After she turned her back on me , I was hoping she would turn around , just one more time. Did she turn back you asked ? That'll remain a secret , Diary , forgive me , AGAIN. Well , I better go now , I guess I am too excited right now.
Joel , Signing out.
.
19th September 2009
Dear Diary , roses are red , violets are blue , theres nothing in the world is as gorgeos as you. As usual , Mika and I went to the park once more , but this time is completely uncomparable with the previous so-called-date. We were more than just close friends , the awkward between us both had somehow dissapeared.
I don't want to drag around as I got excited bragging about Mika again.We went to the park , but this time , we chose a different route, I mean a longer route to have our walk. We sat on a location where the sky is clear , the breeze is cool , the lake is visible , and the place where every lover would like to be with the one they love. I guess my wish came true! Mika and I were laughing of a certain topic I care not to remember because that is not the main point.
We met the silence after a few laughs , the clouds made ways for the moon to shine on Mika's angel-like face , at that moment , my heart accelerated , my hands became sweaty and I feel the temperature in my body rising up. I'd never witness an Angel's sitting by my side , I couldn't help myself and pushed a few words right from my mouth , "y-you're so beautiful.". She turned to me embracing my clueless expression for a second there and remained silenced. I thought to myself that I've gone mad saying that right at her face , never felt this kind of embarassment in my entire 18 years in my life.
Right before I could apolagise for my foolish uncontrolable words , she said to me while embracing the moon above our heads , " Do u.. like me ?" then turned her head facing directly at mine. Hence , asked again with a hauntingly serious tone, "Answer me Joel , do u like me.". I was silenced back there , confused what would be the right answer. Without hesitation I replied " Yes, Mika , I like you. "
She shifted her head and met mine , our breathing was so near to each other I could feel her warmth brushing over my cheeks. The scene was so quiet I could hear her heartbeat , it was at the same rhythm as her breathing. Unexpectingly she added , "kiss me." That's when I thought God from the stars above gave me this chance , I have this one chance on getting something I desperately needed.
As seconds ticks by , I slightly angled my lips to her , giving her the kiss she wanted , the kiss I would willingly give. Our lips met and felt her warm breath against my lips , warm as our kiss got intense. Although the kiss lasted no longer than 8 seconds , but this is a kiss none of us would ever forget. Looking deeply into her eyes , I would go for another try but I was afraid I ask too much from a new born relationship.
I walked her back , as usual. The journey was covered with silence by awkwardness. Well , I don't blame neither of us , I was too excited. Before she left , she asked me a simple question , a question I would give my honest heart as an answer. "Will you still love me in the morning?" , I replied after giving her a feathery kiss on her forehead , " No matter what happens , baby."
Joel , Signing out.
Dear Diary , there is one thing I won't understand. I'd came through a rather odd conversation with Lisa the other day. She asked me a question , a question everyone is trying so hard to find but only a few succeeded on seeking the true answer for themselves. " Have you found the reason why you're borned , Joel ?" Lisa asked , which sent me into a complete blank. I thought I knew the reason but it just doesn't feel right , it doesn't feel right at all.
I know what are you thinking right now , Diary , but no , searching for someone you love isn't the reason why everyone is breathing on this very world right now. Love is part of Life , not the reason why we're living. Thanks to Lisa , the emotions had taken over me. I do not have the strength to control myself , I could not laugh nor could I be the old me anymore. I've became an arrogant fool who does not respect the opposing decisions , I've became a devil who got mad on his own parents for doing their job , I've became a useless pile of shit that doesn't worth anything.
Well , I dont think this is entirely related to the question of the reason why I am borned. I really don't know who am I or what I've become. I figure out if this goes on , I'm not going to succeed on everything I'm aiming to achieve , even getting the girl who I'm so desperate in love with. Dear Diary , I need strength , I need to know how to overcome the devil in me , I need to know how to fight myself , I need to know... am I really that useless?
Anyway , Happy 18th Birthday , Joel.
Joel , Signing out.
.
14th September 2009
Dear Diary , everything is different now. Due to my unsual characteristic , I have less friends , less love from my family , I don't seem to feel the 'Me' in myself anymore. But there's someone who never let me down , or maybe we just got close to each other , that's why she won't realise I'm different. Well , I'm not letting this only chance go.
Mika came across the 7-11 where I was working in , such fate huh? Now , I guess you would know my answer about trusting fate. We talked a little and decided to meet each other more often since we've found a similliarity in us both , Ice-cream Soda. We went to the park after dinner just now , nothing special , just talking about our lifes. Eventually the park was not entirely empty , there was a few couples taking their walk of romance under the blinking stars , holding hands while embracing the lake as moonlight shines upon. Old couples taking a walk with their grandchildrens as the kids was running around , nothing to stress about in life yet.
Mika and I sat down on an old bench by the corner of the playground. I tried so hard not to lose myself again , but whenever the cool breeze brushes her hair , sending a trail of Dove-like scent across my nose , I had no choice but to be paralized , I lost myself once more by the stunning beauty. She looked at me with a smile and asked if I was fine. " . " Ahh I think potato chips are awesome too." I replied. I swear that was originally random after being locked up by her smile and that was the first time I said something that made her laugh , well that's something worth keeping as an achievement don't you think ?
I walked her home at precisely 9.35 , I would never forget what she said to me before she left me back to the dark streets alone. " I had fun with you , Joel. We should do this more often. Will you text me in the morning ?" , 'I will. I promise'
After she turned her back on me , I was hoping she would turn around , just one more time. Did she turn back you asked ? That'll remain a secret , Diary , forgive me , AGAIN. Well , I better go now , I guess I am too excited right now.
Joel , Signing out.
.
19th September 2009
Dear Diary , roses are red , violets are blue , theres nothing in the world is as gorgeos as you. As usual , Mika and I went to the park once more , but this time is completely uncomparable with the previous so-called-date. We were more than just close friends , the awkward between us both had somehow dissapeared.
I don't want to drag around as I got excited bragging about Mika again.We went to the park , but this time , we chose a different route, I mean a longer route to have our walk. We sat on a location where the sky is clear , the breeze is cool , the lake is visible , and the place where every lover would like to be with the one they love. I guess my wish came true! Mika and I were laughing of a certain topic I care not to remember because that is not the main point.
We met the silence after a few laughs , the clouds made ways for the moon to shine on Mika's angel-like face , at that moment , my heart accelerated , my hands became sweaty and I feel the temperature in my body rising up. I'd never witness an Angel's sitting by my side , I couldn't help myself and pushed a few words right from my mouth , "y-you're so beautiful.". She turned to me embracing my clueless expression for a second there and remained silenced. I thought to myself that I've gone mad saying that right at her face , never felt this kind of embarassment in my entire 18 years in my life.
Right before I could apolagise for my foolish uncontrolable words , she said to me while embracing the moon above our heads , " Do u.. like me ?" then turned her head facing directly at mine. Hence , asked again with a hauntingly serious tone, "Answer me Joel , do u like me.". I was silenced back there , confused what would be the right answer. Without hesitation I replied " Yes, Mika , I like you. "
She shifted her head and met mine , our breathing was so near to each other I could feel her warmth brushing over my cheeks. The scene was so quiet I could hear her heartbeat , it was at the same rhythm as her breathing. Unexpectingly she added , "kiss me." That's when I thought God from the stars above gave me this chance , I have this one chance on getting something I desperately needed.
As seconds ticks by , I slightly angled my lips to her , giving her the kiss she wanted , the kiss I would willingly give. Our lips met and felt her warm breath against my lips , warm as our kiss got intense. Although the kiss lasted no longer than 8 seconds , but this is a kiss none of us would ever forget. Looking deeply into her eyes , I would go for another try but I was afraid I ask too much from a new born relationship.
I walked her back , as usual. The journey was covered with silence by awkwardness. Well , I don't blame neither of us , I was too excited. Before she left , she asked me a simple question , a question I would give my honest heart as an answer. "Will you still love me in the morning?" , I replied after giving her a feathery kiss on her forehead , " No matter what happens , baby."
Joel , Signing out.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Dear diary. (1)
15th August 2009
Dear Diary , I'm signing in from this unwelcomed rainy night in one of the two most relaxing days in everyweek , which is the days I get to sleep till noon. Ahh that's my favourite part. I have no idea what's with everyone around me nowadays , seems like they've been consulted by love. I always get this most common asked question , ' Do u believe in fate ? '. Well , I won't tell you my answer , Diary , I'd rather keep it a secret , forgive me . Well , I guess everyone is finally hitting their LEGAL on everything age , which is when love takes over their lifes , meeting Mr / Mr.s Right , I guess ?
Due to my current circumstances , I'm poor and oh so desperate to find a part time job to support myself in college , so love isn't really my thing right now. All I have in mind is job , money , job , money , job , money , sleep , McDonalds , cats. Wait , CATS ? I was just fooling around, anyway I'll run back to where I was. My father , head of my high school counselor , have been giving me a harsh time on my young-adult life , which is why I had a bad 5 years on my high school.
Anyway , my dad is supremely worried about every teenagers soon-to-come excitements , yes Diary , Sex. He would randomly choose a random time from 8 to 9 pm , well to be precise , 8.47pm , on a random location like our balcony with a random lighted candle and a random Yiruma's well played piano songs , PS: Yiruma is my dad's favourite. I would sense it when my dad is going to speak awkward topics by my ears. The first line from his lips would most probably be , "Son, you have grown up to be a fine man , and so there are alot of things u have to know in life.... " and yeah , there is nothing I would like to add.
Alright now Diary , I guess that is enough chatting for awhile. Wish me luck on finding a part time job tomorrow , off to bed. See you soon.
Joel , Signing out.
.
20th August 2010
Dear Diary , I'd went out with a couple of close friends two days back and it gave me an inspiring sight when a girl with silky long brownish hair , a pair of golden brown attractive eyes and her pair of Vincci high heels steps into my friend , Jason's open house. Her smiles have blinded the 180 angle of my sight , everything turned dark as she was closing in and that is when I saw a bright white dress dancing with the owner wearing it. Her laughters would silence everything around me as the glass of orange juice I was wielding spilt a little. I got completely caught off by her voice , her face , her skin , her scent , everything.
I never actually knew what happened in the party as my eyes was focused on that annonymous girl , there was nothing strong enough to draw my attention from such beauty. Everything about fate or love makes sence now , except for my father's theory of safe sex. I have never felt this way , my body had butterflies , experiencing joy and love for the first time eventhou I told you love isn't my thing for now. I promised myself I got to know this girl , as a friend or lover ? I will get to it next time.
I got hired in a 7-11 nearby , which is where I'm going to start working tomorrow. But before I sign out under this eerie moonlight shine above my head , sitting on my swing at my balcony with seemingly cute blue sparkling linked rice lights of romance , let me ask you a question , Diary. Do you believe in fate ?
Joel , Signing out.
.
27th August 2009
Dear Diary , let me introduce Mika. We were officially introduce by Jason , Mika turned out to be Jason's childhood friend , they were best friends since they were 6. Well , to be honest I was jealous of Jason to have such beautiful best friend. BeeTeeDoubleU , I went out once more last night with Jason , Nick , Joyce , Lisa and Mika. I never thought of going out after my tiring shift at 7-11 , but I'm glad I said yes when Jason asked me out. I wasn't expecting to see Mika there too.
Life felt better when the six of us sat on that fancy swing-like seat in a fancy restaurant called Viva-La-Swingz , wierd name huh ? Anyway , I was trying to stay cool as I don't want to destroy my Mr. Preety Face image to Mika , just joking , but really. I tried to stare at her beautiful sparkling eyes without letting any of the 5 noticing my desperate act , it would be embarassing if someone voiced " Why can't you get your eyes of Mika , Joel. ". I was lucky though , no one noticed , but every second I looked at her , the more i got attracted. Somehow , I just can't get my eyes of her , for a second there I hope our eyes had met , hoping I could smile at her if that happened , and she would smile back as a reply.
Fact about Mika , she's definately a shy girl. She kept herself at the corner of the table looking at her blueish soft drink. I don't really care what drink that was but even the way she inserts the little round and long plastic tube we call straw into her parted lips was astounding.
So everyone left early last night as something came out to be rather troublesome to the football fans , the match of ManUnited with some not so famous team was pushed earlier that night so they had to rush home in order to not miss the opening. Mika finally said something when there was just the three of us , her oh-so-smooth and sweet voice became a my music box that was played in my mind 24/7 , the melody running over my body would send out a wave of warmth through every part of me , I feel nothing but joy.
Diary , am I in love or is this just a illusion every guy has to face. One thing for sure , this is the first time I'd ever felt this way , my heartbeat accelerated when she was near , my eyes were blinded by her beauty when she smiled , the scene was silenced when she speaked , and I thought super powers were just a myth. I got fully attracted by everything related to her , even the most simple thing she would do like tapping the table with her finger would leave a deep impression in my heart.
I cannot get her out of my head , Diary. Lights off now.
Joel , Signing out.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
100 Days. Part One .
There’s always something, someone lighting up our days when it seems bleak , the darkness surrounding you and all-consuming .when that something is gone, you find it hard to go on . My mom always uses the word ‘Cherish’, because I know at the very moment my father closed his eyes and fell into eternal slumber when I was 16 ,that magical light in her heart had just ... disappeared , hidden away in the deepest valleys of her heart .
My mother has her own way of conveying death in lighter, brighter tones .she never fails to make people realize death is something everybody has to face sooner or later. After my father’s unfortunate departure, I became the only guy in the family. Sometimes, she would sneak into my bedroom and sit beside me when I’m asleep. I never know why she had done that but my guess is, she misses father, more than she misses anyone else.
Although father left us at when we were still young, mother never fails to keep me healthy and safe. She keeps the house in pristine condition, everything spick-and-span in this small house we call home. She would never let me help her with the chores no matter how tedious and bothersome it was. My mother, she never liked people helping her with the chores because "help" usually meant more trouble for her. I remember that day when I graduated from high school, my eyes scanned the crowd when I was on stage, accepting the precious certificate that meant so much for my mother and I. I saw my mother, sobbing in elation into the small lace handkerchief that I was told, was my father's gift to her on their very first date. She approached me and hugged me as tight as she could, and whispered “Your father would be very proud of you honey.”
My father on the other hand was a handsome and generous man. He loves telling me stories about my grandfather and how he met my mother way back then. It was a stormy night when my dad had his dinner with his pals in an Italian restaurant. He said “I was having my pasta when I heard the most beautiful voice across the room. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. She was like no girl I had ever met before. I didn’t believe in things like love-at-first-sight and Cupid's arrow and you know. But the moment I met your mother, I knew, I knew that she was the woman I am going to spend the rest of my life with. She was just so beautiful."
All these scenes keep flashing across my mind before I close my eyes and go to sleep at night. Not to mention, I’ve missed my dad’s style of walking, talking or even his musky aftershave, the gentle scent of a father. My mother never told me how my father died, nor would I dare to ask her. The only time I asked, she paled and she walked past me without seeing, walking to the window where she started sobbing gently. I remembered being shocked but awhile later my mother wiped away her tears and said sadly: "Oh, baby, I want to tell you so much, but you just aren't ready yet." Naturally I am curious but I have let it go as I do not wish to intrude on my mother's privacy.
It was 5 years after my mother lay dying on the hospital bed. It was 3 in the morning when I received a call from the hospital saying she doesn’t have much time left. I went to the hospital as fast as I could, made a wild turn to my mother’s ward. Her eyes were so tired, as she hadn’t slept in weeks. She lifted her head and pushed forward to meet mine. She gasped, hence parted her lips and said “Son, remember what I told you after your father died?” As she slowly lifted her arms to my cheek, wipes away my tears gently with her old, yet firm hands of hers. “Don’t cry, baby. I am going to meet your father at last. You should be happy for me. Don’t worry, I'm not afraid of death. God has blessed me with a loving husband and a wonderful son. You have grown up to be such a fine young man. Remember all those games we played when you were young, the riddle box, the House Of puzzles, the great times we had when you were young? Cherish those memories . . . these happy memories will give you hope you when you feel all hope is lost . . . Oh , baby I love you so much . . ." She drew a long rasping breath . I knew then she couldn’t last much longer.
I closed my eyes, trying so hard to hold back my tears. I can hear sobs from the nurses standing at the back of the ward, I can hear the clock ticking on the wall. I grabbed her arms tightly, I smiled to her and said “I love you, mom. I promise you, I’ll be a great dad and a loving husband.” She nodded a little and smiled. “That’s my baby.” The moment she closed her eyes, I felt the pain flooding through me, the darkness suffocating me. The pain was like nothing I had ever felt before, it felt as though someone had just drew a blade and slashed my soul in two.
That morning, rain fell in a misty haze. I wondered if the rain were my father’s tears from the afterlife. "I miss her already, dad." I said to no one in particular .I lay down on my bed, as I slowly recall what we’ve gone through, as a family. Tears flooded my eyes once again, as it slowly leaves a glistening trail on my face, glowing incandescently as a ray of sun traced itself upon my face.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Chances - Five For Fighting
really nice song
well,if you think he's kinda f-faced. just listen to the song
Chances are when said and done
Who'll be the lucky ones
Who make it all the way?
Though you say I could be your answer
Nothing lasts forever
No matter how it feels today
Chances are we´ll find a new equation
Chances roll away from me
Chances are all they hope to be
Don't get me wrong I'd never say never
Cause though love can change the weather
No act of God can pull me away from you
I´m just a realistic man
A bottle filled with shells and sand
Afraid to love beyond what I can lose when it comes to you
And though I see us through yeah
Chances are we´ll find two destinations
Chances roll away from me
Still chances are more than expectations
The possibilities
Over me
Eight to five, two to one
Lay your money on the sun
until you crash what have you done?
Is there a better bet than love?
What you are is what you breathe
You gotta cry before you sing
Chances chances
Chances lost are hopes torn up pages
Maybe this time
Chances are we´ll be the combination
Chances come and carry me
Chances are waiting to be taken
And I can see
Chances are the fascination
Chances won't escape from me
Chances are only what we make them
And all I need
nic
Sunday, November 1, 2009
owl city - fireflies
got addicted to this. try it out.
Owl City - Fireflies
lyrics:
You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
Cause they fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You'd think me rude
But I would just stand and stare
I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems
Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance
A foxtrot above my head
A sockhop beneath my bed
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread
I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep
Leave my door open just a crack
Please take me away from here
Cause I feel like such an insomniac
Please take me away from here
Why do I tire of counting sheep
Please take me away from here
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep
To ten million fireflies
I'm weird cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell
But I'll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizzare
Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar
I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep
I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep
I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams
Owl City - Fireflies
lyrics:
You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
Cause they fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You'd think me rude
But I would just stand and stare
I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems
Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance
A foxtrot above my head
A sockhop beneath my bed
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread
I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep
Leave my door open just a crack
Please take me away from here
Cause I feel like such an insomniac
Please take me away from here
Why do I tire of counting sheep
Please take me away from here
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep
To ten million fireflies
I'm weird cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell
But I'll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizzare
Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar
I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep
I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep
I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams
nic
Monday, June 29, 2009
A Diary Of Ray Part 8. (End)
…
Lights flashing and flickering , casting an eerie glow upon us. Why isn't stars twinkling at us anymore? I held her in my arms tightly, running along the corridor towards the emergency room.
Staring into Christine eyes as I’m trying to prevent her slowly fading life from ebbing away as i can only watch on helplessly. her eyes were bloodied and bruised , scars marked her face, marked her as an unfortunate victim of road rage. Tears I fought so hard to keep within began to roll my cheeks.
I had to be dragged back from the emergency room. Looking at the nurses pushing her in, looking at her being pushed away, away from me . Oh God why? Why the light of my life? The only angel i have ever known. "You re gonna be alright . . . "I chanted it feverishly like a mantra. I prayed to every God there is out there. Please make her well again in Your Grace.
Silence pervaded the place while Joe and I stared without seeing at the emergency light. Christine’s parents came after awhile, the looks on their faces proves that they are more afraid than the both of us. The light flickered, the doctor walked out with “disappointment” written all over his face. Million of questions came out from her parent’s mouth before the doctor could catch his breath. As he does, tragedy strikes ! Christine is blind folded when I walked into her room the next morning.
Sound of glasses crashing made my heart skip a beat, I turned the knob, my eyes flecked with golden sunlight . I swept across the scene in seconds, her mother was crying and her dad hugging her mother tightly. Joe was trying to stop her but eventually he failed. Christine was losing it, some people weather adversities, some are battered down by the sheer agony of it, Christine would spend the rest of her days in darkness, I guess its what scares her the most. The loss of light in her radiant life.
I sped up a little, grabbed her hands as tight as I can. She felt around my hands, and lifted her hands to my face. She knew it was me, she grabbed me so tight I could hardly breathe. She wrapped me with her injured arms and pleaded with me not to leave. I hugged and surrendered myself to this moment, whispered “ I love you, more than you will ever know . You showed me the meaning of my existence, to make you happy and never let you cry. But I have to leave you. I’m sorry.”
I kissed her for the last time, and left the room with the pain lancing through me, causing pain such as i had never known, leaving me a hollowed-out shell. Her voice had branded my soul, but for her sake as well as mine, i had to do what i must. Should you never forgive me, i will understand. I pulled her arms off, and gently kissed her for the last time. The moment I pulled my lips away, is the moment the place was silent for a short while. I forced myself to stay a little longer, but my instincts are pulling my body away from her.
Her voice echoed in my head , hauntingly melodious. Repeating the same line, “Please don’t leave, Ray.” I stood beside the door, trying to make a sound but I was silened by Joe’s killer stare. By that moment, I know everything is not going to be fine for Joe and Christine. I stood alone on the rooftop for awhile. I feel my throat began to close and my eyes well up with tears, it’s time for me to go.
I was standing by the lounge, holding my passport on my arms. Stared at the time, it’s 5.30P.M. Christine will be busy having medical treatment, she won’t be having outdoor activities for awhile, so I’m free to go, to leave the country, to leave my friends, to leave my love.
The fog of sadness has clouded my life . The pain of leaving a loved one is more than I can take. I am running from the past, the guilt, and the pain. And you, Christine, are shrouded inside the fog, fighting pointlessly to hold on to a vanished dream. Going to Japan, is a whole new life, a whole new opportunity to meet someone over there. Still, I long to go with you, Christine, but my only response is to shake my head because I know that is impossible. I do not care what others think, I shall bow to you, and let my tears do the talking.
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2009, 1st Feb. Life is good in Japan, new friends, new school, new environment. 1 year had passed since the fateful incident in Malaysia. I’m cant love someone just yet as my heart is sealed to the girl I met 1 magical year ago.. Just like how Romeo would meet Juliet. School was tough, people here are kind and helpful. Bullet trains or the Shinkansen is my mode of transport here, Takoyaki became my favourite food. I’m all Japanese-fied. My Japanese language is slowly improving as I’m still going to spend 2 years here studying.
I went to Maruyama Park to jog everyday. Yes, like before, I still jog. Maruyama Park is a beautiful park located in Kyoto, where I am living right now. The park was crowded, but yet beautiful. Some embracing the lake, some having fun with their children and some eating ice cream while they spend their time catching up with each other’s life. Love birds are all around the park, young ones and the old ones.
Velvety wings of night is enveloping the park, the sky is glowing a magnificent shade of magenta and the stars are starting to twinkle cheekily. I stood by the lake, embracing the scene while I enjoy the weather. Warmth yet cooling at the same time soothing my soul, allaying my fears
By the time I decided to go home, something caught my attention, something I never thought possible. It’s the sound of someone playing the violin, the melodious yet sad sound invoking countless memories, painful and joyful ones, memories I had sought to lock away in the deepest , innermost part of my heart
A familiar yet faraway figure caught my eye, my breath quickens and my pulse races .God, is this a sign? My only chance at redemption for the person i had to turn my back on? the girl I loved, the only girl that brought joy and meaning into my life? the dark figure I saw in the park way back in Malaysia, the dark figure across the lake.
I have been dreaming this for 365 days, am I dreaming again? Please, please, please, without noticing it tears had streaked across my face . . .
I took flight, ran as fast as I can, along with the pounding rhythm of my breathing I know this is the only chance God will ever give me again, the chance to once again hold the girl I love, the chance to spend the rest of my time loving her again, making her happy . . .
I ran as I allowed myself to dream , to dream of what could have been and what could be in the future. Every step I take, every second I got closer, my heartbeat quickens into overdrive. Finally,I gasped "Christine..is that..you?" She turned around and . . .
Moral of the story: Cherish your boyfriend/girlfriend now and don’t allow petty squabbles to come between you. Don’t wake up one day 20 years from now and regret what you didn’t had a chance to say to your loved ones -> the almighty 3 words "I love you"
TheEnd.
Dear readers,
I will be leaving the ending of this story open as i don't want it to only be my story.
I wish that everyone who have read this story can truly feel how Ray felt. If you are Ray, what would be your ending?
Thanks a lot for reading...
SpecialThanksTo : NicholasSheum
LimZhuoZhi
HoTeckSern
LauHueeBeng
LeongBoonHong
LeeYuMey
LeeWyeMing
Lights flashing and flickering , casting an eerie glow upon us. Why isn't stars twinkling at us anymore? I held her in my arms tightly, running along the corridor towards the emergency room.
Staring into Christine eyes as I’m trying to prevent her slowly fading life from ebbing away as i can only watch on helplessly. her eyes were bloodied and bruised , scars marked her face, marked her as an unfortunate victim of road rage. Tears I fought so hard to keep within began to roll my cheeks.
I had to be dragged back from the emergency room. Looking at the nurses pushing her in, looking at her being pushed away, away from me . Oh God why? Why the light of my life? The only angel i have ever known. "You re gonna be alright . . . "I chanted it feverishly like a mantra. I prayed to every God there is out there. Please make her well again in Your Grace.
Silence pervaded the place while Joe and I stared without seeing at the emergency light. Christine’s parents came after awhile, the looks on their faces proves that they are more afraid than the both of us. The light flickered, the doctor walked out with “disappointment” written all over his face. Million of questions came out from her parent’s mouth before the doctor could catch his breath. As he does, tragedy strikes ! Christine is blind folded when I walked into her room the next morning.
Sound of glasses crashing made my heart skip a beat, I turned the knob, my eyes flecked with golden sunlight . I swept across the scene in seconds, her mother was crying and her dad hugging her mother tightly. Joe was trying to stop her but eventually he failed. Christine was losing it, some people weather adversities, some are battered down by the sheer agony of it, Christine would spend the rest of her days in darkness, I guess its what scares her the most. The loss of light in her radiant life.
I sped up a little, grabbed her hands as tight as I can. She felt around my hands, and lifted her hands to my face. She knew it was me, she grabbed me so tight I could hardly breathe. She wrapped me with her injured arms and pleaded with me not to leave. I hugged and surrendered myself to this moment, whispered “ I love you, more than you will ever know . You showed me the meaning of my existence, to make you happy and never let you cry. But I have to leave you. I’m sorry.”
I kissed her for the last time, and left the room with the pain lancing through me, causing pain such as i had never known, leaving me a hollowed-out shell. Her voice had branded my soul, but for her sake as well as mine, i had to do what i must. Should you never forgive me, i will understand. I pulled her arms off, and gently kissed her for the last time. The moment I pulled my lips away, is the moment the place was silent for a short while. I forced myself to stay a little longer, but my instincts are pulling my body away from her.
Her voice echoed in my head , hauntingly melodious. Repeating the same line, “Please don’t leave, Ray.” I stood beside the door, trying to make a sound but I was silened by Joe’s killer stare. By that moment, I know everything is not going to be fine for Joe and Christine. I stood alone on the rooftop for awhile. I feel my throat began to close and my eyes well up with tears, it’s time for me to go.
I was standing by the lounge, holding my passport on my arms. Stared at the time, it’s 5.30P.M. Christine will be busy having medical treatment, she won’t be having outdoor activities for awhile, so I’m free to go, to leave the country, to leave my friends, to leave my love.
The fog of sadness has clouded my life . The pain of leaving a loved one is more than I can take. I am running from the past, the guilt, and the pain. And you, Christine, are shrouded inside the fog, fighting pointlessly to hold on to a vanished dream. Going to Japan, is a whole new life, a whole new opportunity to meet someone over there. Still, I long to go with you, Christine, but my only response is to shake my head because I know that is impossible. I do not care what others think, I shall bow to you, and let my tears do the talking.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2009, 1st Feb. Life is good in Japan, new friends, new school, new environment. 1 year had passed since the fateful incident in Malaysia. I’m cant love someone just yet as my heart is sealed to the girl I met 1 magical year ago.. Just like how Romeo would meet Juliet. School was tough, people here are kind and helpful. Bullet trains or the Shinkansen is my mode of transport here, Takoyaki became my favourite food. I’m all Japanese-fied. My Japanese language is slowly improving as I’m still going to spend 2 years here studying.
I went to Maruyama Park to jog everyday. Yes, like before, I still jog. Maruyama Park is a beautiful park located in Kyoto, where I am living right now. The park was crowded, but yet beautiful. Some embracing the lake, some having fun with their children and some eating ice cream while they spend their time catching up with each other’s life. Love birds are all around the park, young ones and the old ones.
Velvety wings of night is enveloping the park, the sky is glowing a magnificent shade of magenta and the stars are starting to twinkle cheekily. I stood by the lake, embracing the scene while I enjoy the weather. Warmth yet cooling at the same time soothing my soul, allaying my fears
By the time I decided to go home, something caught my attention, something I never thought possible. It’s the sound of someone playing the violin, the melodious yet sad sound invoking countless memories, painful and joyful ones, memories I had sought to lock away in the deepest , innermost part of my heart
A familiar yet faraway figure caught my eye, my breath quickens and my pulse races .God, is this a sign? My only chance at redemption for the person i had to turn my back on? the girl I loved, the only girl that brought joy and meaning into my life? the dark figure I saw in the park way back in Malaysia, the dark figure across the lake.
I have been dreaming this for 365 days, am I dreaming again? Please, please, please, without noticing it tears had streaked across my face . . .
I took flight, ran as fast as I can, along with the pounding rhythm of my breathing I know this is the only chance God will ever give me again, the chance to once again hold the girl I love, the chance to spend the rest of my time loving her again, making her happy . . .
I ran as I allowed myself to dream , to dream of what could have been and what could be in the future. Every step I take, every second I got closer, my heartbeat quickens into overdrive. Finally,I gasped "Christine..is that..you?" She turned around and . . .
Moral of the story: Cherish your boyfriend/girlfriend now and don’t allow petty squabbles to come between you. Don’t wake up one day 20 years from now and regret what you didn’t had a chance to say to your loved ones -> the almighty 3 words "I love you"
TheEnd.
Dear readers,
I will be leaving the ending of this story open as i don't want it to only be my story.
I wish that everyone who have read this story can truly feel how Ray felt. If you are Ray, what would be your ending?
Thanks a lot for reading...
SpecialThanksTo : NicholasSheum
LimZhuoZhi
HoTeckSern
LauHueeBeng
LeongBoonHong
LeeYuMey
LeeWyeMing
Saturday, June 13, 2009
A Diary Of Ray Part 7 .
“ Dear Christine ,
We have already been together for some time; I must tell you those few weeks we’d spent together were the best days of my life. I can’t imagine what my life would be without you. I still remember the first time I got so close to you when we dance. But things had happened between Joe and I, things that I’d done that cause jealousy to exist between us and brought sorrow and misery by his best friend. I’d been making decision. This dinner maybe the most romantic one and my best opportunity to express my love to you. By the time you are reading this letter, I may be gone, to further my studies in Japan. We shall remain as we were before we met each other. Well, last but not least , I still can’t define how much I love you , how much happiness you’d put in my life. Take care..
From , Ray “
20th March , School days. I’d been experiencing loneliness for these 3weeks. My parents came to school to get the transfer form. The relationship between Joe and I had been better, but not as the pees and carrot like we used to anymore. It’s a taboo for us to talk about Christine right now.
Teryn , the person who knows whats going on among 3 of us , did not mention anything about Christine too. She’d turned back to the old clumsy girl she used to be. I went home early , as I need to prepare my laugage. I swept my eyes across the desk, there was a letter, sitting right under my table lamp. A letter I’d been expecting. I ditched the letter, and I continued on my work.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1st April. One day before my flight to Japan. I suddenly had a strong urge that I’m leaving something undone. I stared at the letter, arguing with myself whether should I open up and take a look at what is inside or not. I grabbed the letter without having any other hesitation, I tore the letter cover until I see an opening. It was an invitation to a violin concert. It was from Christine, a V.I.P seat ticket. Looked at the time, I have 1 hour to prepare myself.
I reached the stadium later than I estimated . I never sat at the seat I was suppose to ,but instead I placed myself far away from the stage , a place where Christine cannot see me. When the spotlight are on her , her beauty is so stunning , it left me in awe. This is the first time I saw her in a formal dress , she looked so mature that everyone have to rub their eyes to make sure it was her. She shone so brightly on the stage , like she was born with this talent.
I stared her, standing on that stage and searching through the crowds as if finding someone. She played the violin so sweetly, yet, I still felt a tinge of sadness to it. But I doubt that anyone else in the stadium can’t hear it.
I left my seat after Christine’s turn is over, stood there at the exit as my leg suddenly felt heavier. I don’t want to leave her , but I had to. All out of a sudden , Christine called my name , her voice paralyzed me like a poison kiss. I didn’t want to turn around , but I can’t just walk away. I turned around and she was already running towards me. Later on , she was hugging me , so tight that I can barely move my arms. She whispered in my ears “ Thank you for the flowers you gave me. “. I don’t know who gave her the flowers but I did not deny what she said.
I saw Joe , glaring at us as we embrace each other. I gently pushed her off , and walked out of the exit. Christine shouted my name again , with a voice that she’s going to burst out with tears. Without noticing who is standing behind her. She ran out of the exit to chase me. All I can remember, I heard a huge crashing sound . Next thing I know , I saw Christine lying on a pile of blood.
Pieces of glass were laying around the floor. I turned back and go on my knee right beside her. My tears began to roll down , I didn’t know I was kneeling on the glass. I hugged her , as I wanted to tell her everything in my heart. Joe on the other side , staring at both of us, he reached into his pocket and called 911 right away. Both of us were so worried about Christine.
Minutes later , siren can be heard. The scene began to flood with humans. Christine was still unconscious..
To be continued…
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
A Diary Of Ray Part 6.
1st March, Life is a game. Friendship is not an exception, with true friends, they make every moment of the game worth your while . Love is like a guitar , the music might stop , the string might be broken , but the feelings of playing the guitar will remain forever.
We're through. Joe and I. Nothing can drag us close again anymore. My heart at war , a war between friendship and love. Its my fault for choosing everything without preparing ,
and now i'd lost my friend , I'd lost my confidence in loving. Even though i know , all is fair in love and war, it doesnt make me feel any better.
Joe and I havent talked in weeks already. Christine found out about the both of us. I can see from her messages , she is worried. I ignored her , Joe ignored me. I dont know what is in my heart , what is my desire anymore. Fixing things among Christine and I ain't gonna make me happy , make me proud of what im doing.
How I wish to let Joe know that I'd really miss the times we'd spent together , the old times we used to play soccer on the small road infront of that rusty gate of mine , the times we used to swim in a small lake at the end of the road , the times he used to push me so I can swing higher on that big tree at the park. Joe is not just a friend to me , he is more than a brother.
This is a chance to make up my mind , the girl I'd known for months? Or a friend we used to do everything together. God, give me strength . . .
My mind is clear , I'd made my decision ..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5th March , I asked Christine out for dinner , a dinner she will never forget. I prepared a square table , covered with my mother's flowery cloth. Hung little linked rainbow lightbulbs on the tree in the garden , the tree with the swing Joe and I used to swing on. The weather was perfect , stars blinked as they are watching my plan moved on perfectly. Prepared 2 plates of spaghetti and a red candle , to make the scene romantic. Christine arrived after the park was cleared up. Wearing the red dress she used to wear in PulauRedang. A smile was pasted under her nose , eyes was squeented as she was showing how happy she is. She moved closer and gave me a kiss.
" Whats this about Ray? " She asked after she placed herself on that comfy chair I prepared for her. I shushed her when i placed my finger on her lips , and started eating. The glimmers on that tree made brought us romance , i replaced red wine with my mother's orange juice from the fridge. The whole eating scene was so silent , we can only hear the crickets sing.
On the other side of the table , Christine is sitting there , looking at me with the big wide smile and round beautiful eyes of hers. I tried to pull a smile on my face , eventually i failed. Spaghetti was stuffed into our stomach minutes later. She started making small talk, telling me funny jokes , but my heart wasnt in it , i remained silent as she searched my eyes for an answer. AN answer to a question i dont know.
By the time she found out something went wrong , she walked across the table and kissed me gently . "I'm here for you Ray." she whispered and hugged me. Not knowing what am I doing , I pushed her off gently. I reached into my pocket and took a small heart shaped box. Its a little necklace I bought for her , a little something I prepared for her. I placed that necklace on her neck , her beauty might stun every living thing on erath. She was told to keep the box , for a special propose. We embraced the sky after that , she shifted closer. Moonlight shone upon the waves on the lakes , light reflected on the necklace I gave her. I stared at her , looking deeply into her eyes , I can tell you have the preetiest eye in the world.
Time is ticking , I have to do what I am inteding to. " I gotta clean the table Christine" I said softly. She nodded . I left her sight and that maybe the last time I am going to get so close to her , maybe the last time I'll see her. I cleaned the table as fast as i could , packed everything and went to the dumpster. By the time i come back , Christine was crying beside the tree . She shouted " YOU LIED! " again... and again. I hid under the big slope beside the tree. Tears began to roll down my cheeks , my heart began to ache real bad. Im sorry Christine..
I'd told you whatever I wanted to in that letter .The letter i left under the box..
To Be Continued ..
We're through. Joe and I. Nothing can drag us close again anymore. My heart at war , a war between friendship and love. Its my fault for choosing everything without preparing ,
and now i'd lost my friend , I'd lost my confidence in loving. Even though i know , all is fair in love and war, it doesnt make me feel any better.
Joe and I havent talked in weeks already. Christine found out about the both of us. I can see from her messages , she is worried. I ignored her , Joe ignored me. I dont know what is in my heart , what is my desire anymore. Fixing things among Christine and I ain't gonna make me happy , make me proud of what im doing.
How I wish to let Joe know that I'd really miss the times we'd spent together , the old times we used to play soccer on the small road infront of that rusty gate of mine , the times we used to swim in a small lake at the end of the road , the times he used to push me so I can swing higher on that big tree at the park. Joe is not just a friend to me , he is more than a brother.
This is a chance to make up my mind , the girl I'd known for months? Or a friend we used to do everything together. God, give me strength . . .
My mind is clear , I'd made my decision ..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5th March , I asked Christine out for dinner , a dinner she will never forget. I prepared a square table , covered with my mother's flowery cloth. Hung little linked rainbow lightbulbs on the tree in the garden , the tree with the swing Joe and I used to swing on. The weather was perfect , stars blinked as they are watching my plan moved on perfectly. Prepared 2 plates of spaghetti and a red candle , to make the scene romantic. Christine arrived after the park was cleared up. Wearing the red dress she used to wear in PulauRedang. A smile was pasted under her nose , eyes was squeented as she was showing how happy she is. She moved closer and gave me a kiss.
" Whats this about Ray? " She asked after she placed herself on that comfy chair I prepared for her. I shushed her when i placed my finger on her lips , and started eating. The glimmers on that tree made brought us romance , i replaced red wine with my mother's orange juice from the fridge. The whole eating scene was so silent , we can only hear the crickets sing.
On the other side of the table , Christine is sitting there , looking at me with the big wide smile and round beautiful eyes of hers. I tried to pull a smile on my face , eventually i failed. Spaghetti was stuffed into our stomach minutes later. She started making small talk, telling me funny jokes , but my heart wasnt in it , i remained silent as she searched my eyes for an answer. AN answer to a question i dont know.
By the time she found out something went wrong , she walked across the table and kissed me gently . "I'm here for you Ray." she whispered and hugged me. Not knowing what am I doing , I pushed her off gently. I reached into my pocket and took a small heart shaped box. Its a little necklace I bought for her , a little something I prepared for her. I placed that necklace on her neck , her beauty might stun every living thing on erath. She was told to keep the box , for a special propose. We embraced the sky after that , she shifted closer. Moonlight shone upon the waves on the lakes , light reflected on the necklace I gave her. I stared at her , looking deeply into her eyes , I can tell you have the preetiest eye in the world.
Time is ticking , I have to do what I am inteding to. " I gotta clean the table Christine" I said softly. She nodded . I left her sight and that maybe the last time I am going to get so close to her , maybe the last time I'll see her. I cleaned the table as fast as i could , packed everything and went to the dumpster. By the time i come back , Christine was crying beside the tree . She shouted " YOU LIED! " again... and again. I hid under the big slope beside the tree. Tears began to roll down my cheeks , my heart began to ache real bad. Im sorry Christine..
I'd told you whatever I wanted to in that letter .The letter i left under the box..
To Be Continued ..
Saturday, March 7, 2009
A diary of Ray Part 5.
...
"Ilove you , Christine." looking deeply into her eyes , " I..." My eyes managed to express what words could not. Joy delight and happiness shone like a beacon within my eyes.
She gazed into my eyes deeply, whilst she put a finger gently upon my lips to stop me from saying anything more. , She slipped her soft hand into my hand and my hand tightened upon hers. At that moment , I finally felt confort and love. I shifted closer. We both looked at the sky as the sun was going down from our sight. Sounds of birds chirpping made the mood even more romantic. She gently placed her head on my shoulder and played with my finger. I looked at her , faint blushes of red appeared on aher cheek as she chilled for sometime.
Streetlights were lighting up and thats when the park crowd began to dispersed . She took her leisure standing up, as if wanting the moment to last forever. Before she left, she enveloped me in her warm embrace as i held her in my arms, feeling the warmth and softness of her body against mine . Looking so innocent , i really hoped she would never let go of me. She closed her eyes , and slowly.. very slowly , she angled her lips to mine. lips ever so slightly turned up for the kiss she wanted, the kiss i would give her. I met her warm lips midway and felt her breath against my lips, warm as a summer breeze. Even though the kiss lasted for no more than 10 seconds, this is a sensation i will remember forever should i live till 80 or a 100. Two passionate souls whose first shared kiss neither will ever forget.
I grabbed her around the waist , and she pulled her lips away. We smiled at each other for a second and I gave her a light feathery kiss on her forehead.
Today , is the day i feel that life is not meaningless but full of surprise and hopes.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
20th Feb , First day of school after the weekends. My relationship with Christine was suppose to be secret for awhile , just incase anything happened in the early stage of our relationship , i wont ever be
embarassed of our relationship but i really wanted to keep a low profile as this was about the two of us. Its not just about me. Someone unfortunately, from my school must had busy spreading rumours about us.
I reached school late. It was the second period and i was still changing in my bathroom. When i reached school , everyone stared at me with their googly eyes. I pretended everything was fine and i continued walking. Things didnt go as expected . The girls from the cafeteria began pointing and gossiping, at me. I am a little mad but girls so i didnt pay much mind .
I started to suspect my shirt or maybe i wore my sister's socks to school. I dashed into the toilet and locked myself up. I checked from my hair to my toes. Nothing was wrong with me except for the plain old Ray i was.
I got into the classroom and it was a complete silence. Why? I dont know , i gave the classroom a millionwatt smile and went to my seat. My best friend , Joe , gave me
hateful glare. I was stunned, if looks could kill, i would be lying right next to my grandparents in the cemetery already. I started to get nervous , I really hope i dint get in trouble. Teryn came to me during recess time.
" I know about you and Christine , Ray. " She wasn't happy , I could tell from her eyes. " Christine told you? " I was expecting 'Yes' from her lips. " Rumours spread , saying you slept with her and so on "
The frustrating look on her face frozed me right where i stood. . "Ray , I think you need to talk to Joe about this. " She walked away , leaving me all the questions and not an answer in sight
I met Joe , in the classroom. Our looks in the eyes wasnt the old kind of 'whats up, buddy? kind of look anymore. I walked up to him , "Whats wrong , Joe ? " He stared at me , angry words burst forth from his mouth, " What do you think ? Maybe you should tell the whole world how proud you are ! " I'd never seen Joe so mad before ,
esspecially since we went way back . we had been best friends since preschool and we could never be separated. He shouted so that the whole class could hear him , as he continues
"You were my friend Ray , but u disapoint me instead of encouraging me ! "
He grabbed his bag , and walked out of the class. Suddenly , i felt so guilty, but the knowledge that i was innocent kept me going for the rest of the day as I spent my entire day on my light green chair ,
wondering how my life could become such a mess in the space of a few days . I was so worried that something bad might happen to our friendship. I moped around my desk , wondereing what did i ever do to make Joe mad .
Teryn , she came by again and sat down right beside me after school. Same place where she sat down that day when she told me christine was in love. I laughed bitterly at the irony of it. But it wont be any exciting news anymore.
She glared at me , and said " I was told to see you , as a messenger. " She inhaled , " Joe was the one who asked Christine out on New Year"s Eve , He was the one who introduced Christine to his loyal bestfriend , You. He wanted you to feel important to him.
Joe, he was in love with Christine since November last year. Christine told him about your relationship with her Ray , and Joe , he was so upset. Im not saying this is your fault , its noboday's fault so dont put the blame on yourself , alright ? "
Teryn put a comforting hand on my shoulder after she told me the truth , I didnt know Joe had a crush on Christine , Joe is my bestfriend.The bitter irony of it struck me again. Maybe I sinned in my past life, thats why things have to end this way...
To be continued..
"Ilove you , Christine." looking deeply into her eyes , " I..." My eyes managed to express what words could not. Joy delight and happiness shone like a beacon within my eyes.
She gazed into my eyes deeply, whilst she put a finger gently upon my lips to stop me from saying anything more. , She slipped her soft hand into my hand and my hand tightened upon hers. At that moment , I finally felt confort and love. I shifted closer. We both looked at the sky as the sun was going down from our sight. Sounds of birds chirpping made the mood even more romantic. She gently placed her head on my shoulder and played with my finger. I looked at her , faint blushes of red appeared on aher cheek as she chilled for sometime.
Streetlights were lighting up and thats when the park crowd began to dispersed . She took her leisure standing up, as if wanting the moment to last forever. Before she left, she enveloped me in her warm embrace as i held her in my arms, feeling the warmth and softness of her body against mine . Looking so innocent , i really hoped she would never let go of me. She closed her eyes , and slowly.. very slowly , she angled her lips to mine. lips ever so slightly turned up for the kiss she wanted, the kiss i would give her. I met her warm lips midway and felt her breath against my lips, warm as a summer breeze. Even though the kiss lasted for no more than 10 seconds, this is a sensation i will remember forever should i live till 80 or a 100. Two passionate souls whose first shared kiss neither will ever forget.
I grabbed her around the waist , and she pulled her lips away. We smiled at each other for a second and I gave her a light feathery kiss on her forehead.
Today , is the day i feel that life is not meaningless but full of surprise and hopes.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
20th Feb , First day of school after the weekends. My relationship with Christine was suppose to be secret for awhile , just incase anything happened in the early stage of our relationship , i wont ever be
embarassed of our relationship but i really wanted to keep a low profile as this was about the two of us. Its not just about me. Someone unfortunately, from my school must had busy spreading rumours about us.
I reached school late. It was the second period and i was still changing in my bathroom. When i reached school , everyone stared at me with their googly eyes. I pretended everything was fine and i continued walking. Things didnt go as expected . The girls from the cafeteria began pointing and gossiping, at me. I am a little mad but girls so i didnt pay much mind .
I started to suspect my shirt or maybe i wore my sister's socks to school. I dashed into the toilet and locked myself up. I checked from my hair to my toes. Nothing was wrong with me except for the plain old Ray i was.
I got into the classroom and it was a complete silence. Why? I dont know , i gave the classroom a millionwatt smile and went to my seat. My best friend , Joe , gave me
hateful glare. I was stunned, if looks could kill, i would be lying right next to my grandparents in the cemetery already. I started to get nervous , I really hope i dint get in trouble. Teryn came to me during recess time.
" I know about you and Christine , Ray. " She wasn't happy , I could tell from her eyes. " Christine told you? " I was expecting 'Yes' from her lips. " Rumours spread , saying you slept with her and so on "
The frustrating look on her face frozed me right where i stood. . "Ray , I think you need to talk to Joe about this. " She walked away , leaving me all the questions and not an answer in sight
I met Joe , in the classroom. Our looks in the eyes wasnt the old kind of 'whats up, buddy? kind of look anymore. I walked up to him , "Whats wrong , Joe ? " He stared at me , angry words burst forth from his mouth, " What do you think ? Maybe you should tell the whole world how proud you are ! " I'd never seen Joe so mad before ,
esspecially since we went way back . we had been best friends since preschool and we could never be separated. He shouted so that the whole class could hear him , as he continues
"You were my friend Ray , but u disapoint me instead of encouraging me ! "
He grabbed his bag , and walked out of the class. Suddenly , i felt so guilty, but the knowledge that i was innocent kept me going for the rest of the day as I spent my entire day on my light green chair ,
wondering how my life could become such a mess in the space of a few days . I was so worried that something bad might happen to our friendship. I moped around my desk , wondereing what did i ever do to make Joe mad .
Teryn , she came by again and sat down right beside me after school. Same place where she sat down that day when she told me christine was in love. I laughed bitterly at the irony of it. But it wont be any exciting news anymore.
She glared at me , and said " I was told to see you , as a messenger. " She inhaled , " Joe was the one who asked Christine out on New Year"s Eve , He was the one who introduced Christine to his loyal bestfriend , You. He wanted you to feel important to him.
Joe, he was in love with Christine since November last year. Christine told him about your relationship with her Ray , and Joe , he was so upset. Im not saying this is your fault , its noboday's fault so dont put the blame on yourself , alright ? "
Teryn put a comforting hand on my shoulder after she told me the truth , I didnt know Joe had a crush on Christine , Joe is my bestfriend.The bitter irony of it struck me again. Maybe I sinned in my past life, thats why things have to end this way...
To be continued..
Sunday, March 1, 2009
A diary of Ray Part 4.
...
She gave me a smile , without an answer , she stood up and said " Lets go". Is that a yes ? I dont know , without a confirmation , i just looked at her walking her way through the dark paths ,and slowly dissapear. The park was so quiet and crickets begin to sing as the park was so peaceful , and i went home , leaving the puzzle undone.
"Happy Valentine Christine."
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16th feb. Had you ever felt love before ? A girl asked me with a serious expression on her face.
I went to school , as usual. the air felt cool and refreshing , the cool breeze hit my face, revitalizing me, temporarily letting me
forget my crush on christine . Everyone was either huddled up in a corner to catch an afternoon siesta or walking as fast as they could to their destinations. , nothing could be heard except for the sound of footsteps and the tapping sound of raindrops. Teachers' cars were leaving as school had ended.I was sitting alone at the canteen table , flipping the pages of my story book. Teryn bought her lunch and came to the table i was sitting.
"Mind if i sit here ? " She asked.
"Have a seat." I said as I faked a big smile as i really wanted to be alone to my feelings
She asked me alot about my love life , I told her that i was in love somebody. All out of a sudden , she mentioned about Christine. She told me Christine was her primary school classmate and best friend since then. This conversation become more meaningful as a million questions popped out from her mouth.
"Ray , have you ever fell in love with a girl u in the first sight you see her? " Curiosity was plastered all over her face , pressuring me as she was expecting some postive answer from me.
I paused and continue to read my book , She came nearer to my ear and whispered ,
"I think Christine is in love ." She was giving me an evil smile "Not you silly!" and walked away into the pouring rain with her umbrella.
After what Teryn had said , i was being curious all day long , thinking is Christine in love with someone else ? I took a long shower , and i cant get it off my mind. I looked at myself in the mirror , being obssesed of what Teryn said earlier just now , wondering why am i not borned with a handsome face that easily attracts girls.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
18th feb , im tired as i cant get enough sleep for the past 2 days. Stress kept me awake. I wandered around my mind , making up beautiful scenes like what i saw earlier in the movies. Candles , music and any other things that bring romance to life.
I met Christine at the CentralPark Hill around 6 , We went jogging for awhile and waited until sunset. We joked about the old folks who are walking in funny way , bouncing their buttocks up and down.
Sunset was beautiful , the sunshine had blinded the colour of the scenery but you're still as colourful as u'd always been in my heart. She stared at me in a different way , pulling her gasp and told me she is in love , just like what Teryn told me that day.
"So it was true ? " i asked her while looking at the sun.
"Teryn told you huh ? She's such a chatterbox ! " blush began to appear on her cheeks.
" So who is the lucky guy? " Faking the smile out of my face , trying to be cool as i was facing to the sun , pretending to feel happy for her as i was expecting some other guy's name.
She wiped her sweat off , and turned her head giving me an awkward look.
"I had.. the best day of my life on valentines day. I'd found a guy that really cares about me and i think i had a crush on him , he was willing to sacrafice his lonely valentine just to cheer the innocent girl up." She said this under her breath.
"Uhh.." i looked at her , trying hard to believe what i heard from her was all true. Pinching my other hand as hard as i could , i was so relieved that i felt pain. I looked into her dark bronish pupils , the reflection in her eyes had given me the courage to open my mouth and said.
"I love you , Christine"...
To Be Continued..
She gave me a smile , without an answer , she stood up and said " Lets go". Is that a yes ? I dont know , without a confirmation , i just looked at her walking her way through the dark paths ,and slowly dissapear. The park was so quiet and crickets begin to sing as the park was so peaceful , and i went home , leaving the puzzle undone.
"Happy Valentine Christine."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16th feb. Had you ever felt love before ? A girl asked me with a serious expression on her face.
I went to school , as usual. the air felt cool and refreshing , the cool breeze hit my face, revitalizing me, temporarily letting me
forget my crush on christine . Everyone was either huddled up in a corner to catch an afternoon siesta or walking as fast as they could to their destinations. , nothing could be heard except for the sound of footsteps and the tapping sound of raindrops. Teachers' cars were leaving as school had ended.I was sitting alone at the canteen table , flipping the pages of my story book. Teryn bought her lunch and came to the table i was sitting.
"Mind if i sit here ? " She asked.
"Have a seat." I said as I faked a big smile as i really wanted to be alone to my feelings
She asked me alot about my love life , I told her that i was in love somebody. All out of a sudden , she mentioned about Christine. She told me Christine was her primary school classmate and best friend since then. This conversation become more meaningful as a million questions popped out from her mouth.
"Ray , have you ever fell in love with a girl u in the first sight you see her? " Curiosity was plastered all over her face , pressuring me as she was expecting some postive answer from me.
I paused and continue to read my book , She came nearer to my ear and whispered ,
"I think Christine is in love ." She was giving me an evil smile "Not you silly!" and walked away into the pouring rain with her umbrella.
After what Teryn had said , i was being curious all day long , thinking is Christine in love with someone else ? I took a long shower , and i cant get it off my mind. I looked at myself in the mirror , being obssesed of what Teryn said earlier just now , wondering why am i not borned with a handsome face that easily attracts girls.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
18th feb , im tired as i cant get enough sleep for the past 2 days. Stress kept me awake. I wandered around my mind , making up beautiful scenes like what i saw earlier in the movies. Candles , music and any other things that bring romance to life.
I met Christine at the CentralPark Hill around 6 , We went jogging for awhile and waited until sunset. We joked about the old folks who are walking in funny way , bouncing their buttocks up and down.
Sunset was beautiful , the sunshine had blinded the colour of the scenery but you're still as colourful as u'd always been in my heart. She stared at me in a different way , pulling her gasp and told me she is in love , just like what Teryn told me that day.
"So it was true ? " i asked her while looking at the sun.
"Teryn told you huh ? She's such a chatterbox ! " blush began to appear on her cheeks.
" So who is the lucky guy? " Faking the smile out of my face , trying to be cool as i was facing to the sun , pretending to feel happy for her as i was expecting some other guy's name.
She wiped her sweat off , and turned her head giving me an awkward look.
"I had.. the best day of my life on valentines day. I'd found a guy that really cares about me and i think i had a crush on him , he was willing to sacrafice his lonely valentine just to cheer the innocent girl up." She said this under her breath.
"Uhh.." i looked at her , trying hard to believe what i heard from her was all true. Pinching my other hand as hard as i could , i was so relieved that i felt pain. I looked into her dark bronish pupils , the reflection in her eyes had given me the courage to open my mouth and said.
"I love you , Christine"...
To Be Continued..
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
A diary of Ray Part 3 .
....
"ohmygod! RAY?!" She shouted by a sudden. I smiled at her and apolagised for leaving PulauRedang without letting her know. I spent the whole trip in TimesSquare talking to her.
"I kinda.. erm.. " I was so nervous as i was going to tell her i lost her number.
"You lost my number huh? Give me your phone. " She gave herself a miss call from my phone.
I smiled and told her that im sorry. After that , we went for movies with the other guys together.
She sat beside me , was played on the wide screen. She enjoyed watching the movie , and i enjoyed watching the serious looks of her in the cinema.In every bright moments,i tried to avoid her from noticing me that im looking at her. I acted cool in every way im sitting.so that i could catch her attention. In every 10 seconds,u blinked your eyes.in every blink of an eye,i got stuned by your beaty-ness. Baby i hope i can put my fragile arms on that soft shoulder of yours and telling you how perfect you are.
Its 8pm and everyone is heading home. I stood under the bus stop with Christine while waiting for our parents. It was raining , I unzipped my jacket and used it as an umbrella. I got closer to her and tried to cover her a little. She rubbed her forearm giving me a sign that she's freezing. I saw my mother's car turning in and reaching the bus stop , i quickly cover her with my only protection and ran to my mother's car. I waved to her inside my car and she gave me a look that she's trying to say thankyou.
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14th Feb ,Valentines Day ! I spent my day alone sulking on my bed whirst , listening to couples dedicating love songs to their loved ones on FlyFM. I looked through the window as god's tears tapped on the glass. Listening to the rhythm of the raindrops , I wonder why am i the only one dateless and alone on valentines day ? The sky was turned darker as the night approached. Soon it started to rain like cats and dogs. The weather outside seemed gloomy and yet , sad.
I recived a text from Christine , telling me that she had planned to celebrate her valentines alone. Instead of sticking to her plans , she went out with her friends. She told me that she was sad because she saw her exboyfriend holding hands with another girl. That girl used to be Christine's best friend , but that particular friend of hers got closer to her exboyfriend hence the manipulating relationship.
I went to CentralPark as fast as I could , I searched around but she was no where to be seen. I felt the wind's presence on my face. I heard somebody humming a tune that was so familiar that it makes me even more curious. I followed that tune , desperately looking for her. I knew it was Christine , the one who was humming that tune. Then, I saw a dark figure sitting by the lake , all curled up. I could hear her sobbing now. As i moved forward to approach that person , I wondered why would someone sit by the lake at such time , especially when a typical heavy down pour has just ended. As i moved closer , that person merged , then I saw her..
She wiped her tears off her face . I sat down beside her , She looked like an angel as her face glown under the moonlight , the moon was bright that night. She gave me a bitter smile and continued looking at the lake.
"It's valentines day and its a very special day Christine , forget about the past and just have a blast just for this day" I said to her.
She looked at me in disbelief , then her eyes started to flood with tears. She thanked me for encouraging her. Her tears rolled down the rosy cheeks of hers as she smiled at me.
She laid her head on my shoulder. When the light breeze blew against your hair , I smelled a sweet fragrance in the air.
Moonlight shone upon the ground and the street lights was turned on. The park looked really romantic as though it is a perfect place for couples to spend their time together. She was embracing the moon. My phone beeped , it was already 11.50pm.
The is my chance ? 10 more minutes till the end of Feb 14.
"Christine?" I called her name in a soft tone.
"Hmm?"
"Will you be my valentine?"
To be continued ....
"ohmygod! RAY?!" She shouted by a sudden. I smiled at her and apolagised for leaving PulauRedang without letting her know. I spent the whole trip in TimesSquare talking to her.
"I kinda.. erm.. " I was so nervous as i was going to tell her i lost her number.
"You lost my number huh? Give me your phone. " She gave herself a miss call from my phone.
I smiled and told her that im sorry. After that , we went for movies with the other guys together.
She sat beside me , was played on the wide screen. She enjoyed watching the movie , and i enjoyed watching the serious looks of her in the cinema.In every bright moments,i tried to avoid her from noticing me that im looking at her. I acted cool in every way im sitting.so that i could catch her attention. In every 10 seconds,u blinked your eyes.in every blink of an eye,i got stuned by your beaty-ness. Baby i hope i can put my fragile arms on that soft shoulder of yours and telling you how perfect you are.
Its 8pm and everyone is heading home. I stood under the bus stop with Christine while waiting for our parents. It was raining , I unzipped my jacket and used it as an umbrella. I got closer to her and tried to cover her a little. She rubbed her forearm giving me a sign that she's freezing. I saw my mother's car turning in and reaching the bus stop , i quickly cover her with my only protection and ran to my mother's car. I waved to her inside my car and she gave me a look that she's trying to say thankyou.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
14th Feb ,Valentines Day ! I spent my day alone sulking on my bed whirst , listening to couples dedicating love songs to their loved ones on FlyFM. I looked through the window as god's tears tapped on the glass. Listening to the rhythm of the raindrops , I wonder why am i the only one dateless and alone on valentines day ? The sky was turned darker as the night approached. Soon it started to rain like cats and dogs. The weather outside seemed gloomy and yet , sad.
I recived a text from Christine , telling me that she had planned to celebrate her valentines alone. Instead of sticking to her plans , she went out with her friends. She told me that she was sad because she saw her exboyfriend holding hands with another girl. That girl used to be Christine's best friend , but that particular friend of hers got closer to her exboyfriend hence the manipulating relationship.
I went to CentralPark as fast as I could , I searched around but she was no where to be seen. I felt the wind's presence on my face. I heard somebody humming a tune that was so familiar that it makes me even more curious. I followed that tune , desperately looking for her. I knew it was Christine , the one who was humming that tune. Then, I saw a dark figure sitting by the lake , all curled up. I could hear her sobbing now. As i moved forward to approach that person , I wondered why would someone sit by the lake at such time , especially when a typical heavy down pour has just ended. As i moved closer , that person merged , then I saw her..
She wiped her tears off her face . I sat down beside her , She looked like an angel as her face glown under the moonlight , the moon was bright that night. She gave me a bitter smile and continued looking at the lake.
"It's valentines day and its a very special day Christine , forget about the past and just have a blast just for this day" I said to her.
She looked at me in disbelief , then her eyes started to flood with tears. She thanked me for encouraging her. Her tears rolled down the rosy cheeks of hers as she smiled at me.
She laid her head on my shoulder. When the light breeze blew against your hair , I smelled a sweet fragrance in the air.
Moonlight shone upon the ground and the street lights was turned on. The park looked really romantic as though it is a perfect place for couples to spend their time together. She was embracing the moon. My phone beeped , it was already 11.50pm.
The is my chance ? 10 more minutes till the end of Feb 14.
"Christine?" I called her name in a soft tone.
"Hmm?"
"Will you be my valentine?"
To be continued ....
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